Teenage Sexual Behavior

by Matin
(Nebraska)

14 year old boy exposes himself to female family members

Question: What to make of and do with 14 yr. old boy who has exposed himself to 19 yr. old stepsister, stepmother and mother? He has exposed himself to his stepmother and mother multiple times. He tries to make this seem accidental.

He is smart, but something of an underachiever in school. He is normal in that he is popular enough in school. I think he masturbates often. I have found stimulating photos, not necessarily pornographic though, in his room.

Answer: Some teenage sexual behavior can be normal, including the possession of the photos you found and some masturbation. However, exposing himself to family members is not considered appropriate and if done to others, it could result in serious legal consequences.

It is very important for the parents to sit down and talk with him about this behavior being inappropriate and illegal. A child this age should be able to understand that the behavior is inappropriate and should stop when spoken to in a serious manner about the incidents.

If he claims they were accidental, buy him a robe and go over ways to prevent these accidental occurrences from happening again. Unless someone walks in his room or the bathroom without knocking first, there should not be any accidental exposures.

If it continues after this, then he should really be referred to a therapist that specializes in dealing with sexual offenders as this is essentially what that kind of behavior would be considered if done in public, especially with a child present.

Inappropriate Touching

by Nick
(South Bend Indiana)

My eleven year old son grabbed the butt of a girl in front of his friends

Question: I am very worried about my son. Today at school he grabbed the butt of a girl in front of his friends. He has an IEP in school because of severe ADHD and emotional problems. Despite this he is a high honor role student.

I am not sure if this is just adolescent misbehavior or a sign of bigger problems.

Any advice will be appreciated.

Answer: I believe that this can be very typical behavior of children going through puberty. However, it should still be addressed in a very serious manner.

Talking to him about inappropriate touching and respecting women would be the first place to start. I would avoid reprimanding, but simply saying that this is very serious, it's something that is illegal and it's possible the girl's parents could sue him for sexual assault.

You may also want to discuss with him about peer pressure and the importance of doing things he knows is right in place of what his friends may be pushing him to do instead.

At this point I would not punish him since it is likely that the school will probably give him some sort of consequence, but tell him what the consequences will be if he does it again.

I have found that impulsive children with ADHD tend to act without thinking, but learn after doing it once and getting consequences for the behavior. They often learn better that way, so I wouldn't worry unless it continues after this incident. It's almost better that this happened now rather than when he got into college and had no one to really hold him accountable.

Also, be aware of what he is watching on TV and reading on the internet. Media tends to be very desensitizing to things such as this making it seem to a child that inappropriate touching of women is not a big deal.
Good Luck!

Rachel

Exposing Self

by Ali
(Florida)

How to deal when a child exposes himself to another child?

Question: At school, my five year old son saw a little girl's private area come down. Two weeks later during a playdate at my home he showed himself to a different little girl. I am unsure how to handle this?

Answer: I would talk to him about the different parts the body and then let him know that there are certain parts of the body that are private, which means we don't show them to anybody. Tell him which body parts those are.

This would also be a good time to talk to him about not letting others touch him there and that if anyone tries he should tell you immediately, even if that person says they will be angry etc. Tell him he can always talk to you about it.

Why does my son expose himself in public?

Question:Why does my son expose himself in public?

Answer: It is hard for me to determine why anyone does anything without doing some sort of evaluation of the behavior. I am usually able to do this enough to give some ideas if there is more information included with the question, such as when he does this, how old he is, what happens before and after he does it, etc. Sorry I can't be more help.

Sexual Behavior in Teenage Boy

Question: I have a 14 year old son and I recently discovered some of my undergarments in a cabinet in his room while I was cleaning, and I also found some pornographic pictures. I know the pictures are normal, but is it normal for him to take my personal garments?

Answer: There are some boys and men that like the smell of female underwear or using underwear when relieving themselves.

While I wouldn't necessarily say this behavior should be considered normal, I do know that there are others that have done the same thing. You are not the only mother to experience this.

I would be cautious about confronting him, as this may cause awkwardness between you both and embarrass him. You may want to try simply removing the underwear from his possession and keeping them in a place that will not allow him easy access.

If he continues to do this, you may just casually say something like, "I have been missing some of my laundry (or maybe even undergarments), did you take anything out of the washer or dryer?"

Normal sexual behavior?

Question: Is it normal for my seven year old daughter to be showing her privates and to be pulling down a four year old boys pants?

Answer: It is hard to say what is and is not normal sexual behavior at this age. Most children do not understand why parts of their body are private or the implications to this type of behavior.

They may simply find the reactions of others, including adults amusing when they do the behavior without understanding why they are reacting that way.

Try reading books to her about private parts and telling her that these behaviors are considered illegal. Let her know that if adults did this they would go to jail. Sometimes that helps a child to understand the severity of the behavior.

A few good books to check out are....

Sexual Curiosity in Children

(Rhode Island)

How old does a child become curious about sexuality?

Question about sexual curiosity in children: When does a child become curious about sex?

Answer: A child typically becomes aware of sexuality as early as infancy and in the toddler years. This usually starts with curiosity about one's own body during diaper changes and leads to asking questions about the differences between girls and boys during toddler and preschool years.

Some children may even touch themselves in a way that seems inappropriate at an early age, but this is normal. However, after speaking with children about this private behavior and where it is appropriate, they should begin to learn and develop boundaries.

Holding hands with a child of the opposite sex or engaging in behaviors that a child may have seen in parents is also considered normal at an early age (2-3 years old). Having a preschool boyfriend/girlfriend, playing doctor, and asking questions are all part of the learning process. School aged children may make inappropriate sexual jokes or discuss "the birds and the bees." Advanced sexual curiosity in children is usually more likely to occur around puberty or later depending on a child's opportunity.

The following link has some really good information about sexual curiosity in children.

6 yr old trying to expose herself at school?

by Kathy

Question: I have a 6 year old daughter. Today when I picked her up from kindergarten her teacher told me that she wasn't listening, talking a lot and seemed to be trying to expose herself. Why is she doing this and how do I get her to stop?

Answer: If she is new to the school setting, it may take time for her to learn what type of behavior is appropriate in that setting. Talking with the teacher about how she is responding would be a good start.

When she isn't listening and won't stop talking, a typical school may give a warning and then a time out, which may just be putting her desk in an area of the room where there a no other children. If they do this consistently, she should get the idea that this is not okay at school.

I would talk to her about exposing herself by telling her this is a private area and we don't show this to anybody. You may consider getting a children's book that talks about this to children. Here are some good ones...

What do you do about a 13 year old boy who exposed himself to female teachers?

Question: What do you do about a 13 year old boy who exposes himself to female teachers?

Answer: It's difficult to answer this question without more information. Is the boy in special education? If he can understand the concept of right and wrong and that this is considered to be an illegal action, then he needs to have serious consequences.

If he is in special education then you may have to appropach the situation differently by trying to educate him about what is inappropriate. Each time he engages in this behavior a teacher should immediately direct him to a private bathroom and say that he can do that in the bathroom by himself.

The parents may be involved and try putting clothing on that discourages this type of behavior, such as overalls. If he is doing it for attention, then teachers should try to avoid to much attention and simply immediate redirection.

If there are male teachers that can work with him instead that may be a good idea also.

6 year old boy showing friends his privates

by Amy
(dartmouth,MA)

Question: I just received a call from my son's school that he had showed his private to 2 boys on the bus. I dont know how to deal with this, I am so upset and dont know how to handle it. Please HELP.
Amy

Answer: I realize this can seem like a very disturbing behavior, but many boys at this age do not understand why parts of their body are private or the implications to this type of behavior.

They may simply find the reactions of others, such as their friends amusing when they do the behavior without understanding why they are reacting that way. It's also possible that the boys were all talking about their privates in a general sense (ex. "I got a penis." "Me too!") and then he thought he would show them his.

Try talking to him about his privates and how important it is not to show them to others or let others touch him there. I would also try reading books to him about private parts and telling him that these behaviors are against the law.

Let him know that if adults did this they would go to jail. Sometimes that helps a child to understand the severity of the behavior.

Some good books to check out are....

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